Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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