Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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