why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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