I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
