Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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