the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
