ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
