She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
