It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
