Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
