Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
