i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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