Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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