Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
