This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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