yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
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