I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Randomize
