You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
