Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
