there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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