sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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