i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I will pee on everything he values.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
