what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
