maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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