We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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