I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
