remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
please don't ironically join a cult
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