That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
