i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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