Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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