don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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