Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
