I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
