Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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