I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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