you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
