when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
