i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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