Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
