used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He better not be in your backpack
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
