I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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