My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
