You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
this will be a night to untag.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
