how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
