would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
