I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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