I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
