I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
