Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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