her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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