Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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