They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Everyone says I win the strip club
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
