im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
