Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I cannot find my penis.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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