If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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