Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
