Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
