Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
