Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize