Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
