I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
