Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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