Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
