I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
