So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
