Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
