Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
