you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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