bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
