I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
