also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
