Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
