So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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