sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
