come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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