he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
