I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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